The Six Worst Things You Can Say To A Customer

people-314481_640 (1)Try these six phrases out on your customers if you want to lose them forever. Using these six magic phrases consistently when dealing with your customers is an almost guaranteed way to put yourself out of business, so if you’re feeling tired and overworked, here’s one possible solution! Employ these six fantastic phrases and you’ll find yourself under-worked in short order!

1: Look buddy, you need us, we don’t need you!

Customers love to hear how they’re not important to your grand plans and big schemes, and honesty is important, right? So when your customers get testy about something (anything), just let them know exactly how irrelevant they really are!

2: Of course we’re not going to make it right.

Why do you think the phrase “caveat emptor” was created in the first place? It’s a “Buyer Beware” kind of world. Our product is what it is, and you accepted that when you gave us your money. If you’re having regrets or second thoughts now, just file it under the category of tough luck. Maybe next time you’ll think more carefully about how you’re spending your money! (You can bet that they absolutely will, when you employ this one – and it won’t be with you!)

3: You’re wrong.

Conventional wisdom is that the customer is always right, but that’s the old paradigm. The reality is that you know what’s best and sometimes, your customers just need a good reminding! Put them in their place and tell them all about it at every opportunity.

4: We can’t/won’t do that.

This is one that brings tears of joys to customers’ eyes, because they never look to businesses, products, or services to solve problems for them. Customers are, by and large, devout do-it-yourselfers who actually like it when you refuse to help them solve a particular problem, especially as it relates to a design flaw or limitation in your product. This prompts them to be more creative, and that’s really what they’re after. They just need a bit of selective encouragement from you in order to reach their full potential!

5: It’s not our product, it’s you.

“Everyone” knows you make great, top quality products, or delivery impeccable services, right? So it stands to reason then that if there’s a problem, it can’t possibly be on the product side. Who does that leave? “Obviously” the customer’s either misinformed about how to best use your product, or lacks a sufficient number of synaptic connections to figure it out. In these cases, it would be cruel not to tell them. Better to get it out in the open, right?

And finally…

6: Oh that? No, that was the price yesterday. It’s doubled since then.

A little known fact is that customers love surprises, especially surprises that see them spending more money with your company. After all, you make great products and are so responsive to their needs, of course they’re tripping all over themselves to open their wallet for you!

If you’re looking to take your business to the next level,* then you need to start employing these six magic phrases today!

* Note that the author did not indicate which direction the “next level” would be (up or down). Caveat emptor (and I hope that everyone reading this has their sarcasm detectors working well and tuned in. Clearly we would never advocate actually saying any of these things to a customer!)